Monday, December 17, 2007

My Urine was Acceptable

So, as predicted, my piss passed and thus the offer to do my freelance job in more of a full-on staff job kind of way is official!

To celebrate, I'm forgetting what I said in my last post and this weekend I'm licking a bunch of toads and then smoking crack from a pipe made outa the frozen severed head of Timothy Leary. At least, that's what the dude who sold it to me down by Cooper Union said it was made of. I was like, "Dude! Where'd you get that?!" and he was like "I made it myself," and I was like "they let you carve Timothy Leary's frozen severed head into a crack pipe?" and the dude was like "Hey man, you don't only have to smoke crack out of it. You could totally smoke crystal meth, or opium or a whole bunch of other things out of it," and I was like "Totally dude... okay you sold me. How much do you want for it?" and he said, "350 thousand dollars" and I was like, "Huh, right, well, y'see... the thing is I don't exactly got--" and he interrupted me, saying "Well how much you got?" and I was like, "18 bucks," and he seemed kinda pissed but then he saw a cop coming and was like "Okay fine, just give it to me and take the pipe" so we made the exchange and he immediately packed up everything on his little folding table and took off into the holiday throng of young Japanese kids. I went skipping home, giddy as a school-girl, with my new one-of-a-kind Leary-Head Crack-Pipe tucked neatly away in my Hunger Site messenger bag. (I guess it's more of a laptop bag, really.) And the great thing is... I only gave the guy 17 bucks! Now I just need to get me some high octane crack!

Anyway, I officially start the job I'm already doing on January 2nd. Too bad I'm gonna be all hopped up on lickable toad poison that day.

Woo Hoo!

3 comments:

Ned said...

Hilarious stuff. "The great thing about crack is, if you're out on the street at the right time, you can get a TV for fifteen dollars" - Chris Rock

Funk ex Machina said...

This is a very interesting blog you've got going. My cousin just turned me on to it. I realize I am commenting far in the past, but my technical ineptitude prevented me from figuring out how to do so on a more recent post. I look forward to reading more.

Funk ex Machina said...

My cousin is Ciera Waring, I assume you know her since she directed me to your blog. If not, well...she's a fan of your writing.
Thanks for the welcome. I don't really intend to ever have anyone read my stuff. It's more cathartic than anything. I hope this finds you well.