Changes

These days, I find myself attempting a general transition from the fun but unhealthy behaviors of my foolish youth, toward whatever healthy behaviors will enable me to keep feeling like a foolish youth. I've given up the drugs. I ride the bicycle. I'm going to start doing the Bikram Yoga (the one in the heated room). And now I'm seriously contemplating giving up all alcoholic beverages (if anybody knows a way to accomplish this without severely cutting into my drunkenness, please let me know).

In addition to the changes I'm making to my personal health, I'm trying to make changes that minimize the destruction I do to the environment. I'm one of those guys who's willing to pay a tiny bit extra each month to have the electricity in his apartment come solely from wind power. Oh sure... right now, some might call me a "hippie" or a fringe sort of "eco-fanatic," but someday people like me will simply be called "people" or possibly "the ones who survived." Seriously though, I swear to [popular deity], making the wind-power switch (super easy to do) was the best thing I've done in years. It's like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. As a result, I'm standing up straighter (another healthy and long-overdue change and I'm not even kidding).

(Really, who knew I was supposed to be this tall? The world just looks and feels... wrong... from up here. I've had to lower my office chair so that my eyes will be at the height of my computer monitors. And walking down the street is so awkward now. Eh, I'll get used to it eventually.)

I'm also spilling my guts into this internet word-bucket every day, and all the ranting and the raving turns out to be nicely cathartic! My own much quieter version of primal scream therapy. Instead of all these words bunching up in my brain, keeping me awake at night, I let 'em loose onto the information superhighway and they make their way onto your computer screen where they can do no harm. I'm sleeping much better, and hopefully you're no worse for wear. If you are worse for wear, I hear the internets have lots of other things you can "click" [?] onto, and then different stuff shows up on your screen. Al Gore: awesome!

Another healthy change I plan to make: more plants. I'm gonna turn both my apartment and my office cubicle into miniature jungles. Only without the giant spiders and poisonous apes. Or is it giant apes and poisonous spiders? Eh, either way. Actually, I wouldn't mind if there were giant apes in my office cubicle. I think it would make for some witty conversation with my co-workers...

LAUREN: Nice giant ape, Jon. Sheesh.
ME: Thanks!
LAUREN: I was being sarcastic.

Then the giant ape, feeling insulted, reaches over the cubicle wall and knocks over Lauren's pen-holder. Pens scatter. Some even fall on the floor.

LAUREN: Dammit Jon! Can you please keep your giant ape on your side of the cubicle wall!? God!
ME: Sorry.

Okay, so maybe I'm better off not having a giant ape at the office.

Oh, hey... has anybody seen the Hunter S. Thompson documentary, "Gonzo"? If so, how was it? If not, wanna go? (Yet another healthy change I'd like to make: I wanna go from not having seen "Gonzo" to having seen it.)

All right.

Enuffa my yakkin'.

Let's boogie.