I get two "daily horoscope" emails sent to me every day, one western, one Chinese. Now, it's not like I'm Ronald Reagan, making all my decisions based on Astrology, but I do get a kick out of reading horoscopes and seeing if they happen to match up with my life, etc. And I happen to know some very intuitive (even psychic) astrologers who definitely have uncanny insights to share. But the daily email ones are purely for a fun little diversion. Of the two, the western one is usually fairly vague, as you might expect, while the Chinese one is usually very specific, and weirdly so, like telling me what color shirt to wear or whether or not I should seek financial advice from a professional. (I think the Chinese mystical realm assumes I've got some serious money to invest. Which, if I lived in China, perhaps I would.) For the most part, the two are always in reasonably close agreement about the general tone of the kind of day they predict I'm gonna have. But not today...
The first one to arrive in my inbox was the western one. It said:
You're in a very good place right now, emotionally speaking, and ought to be able to share your affection with those who are closest to you. It's a good time for intimacy and quiet fun.I was like, "All right, I'm awesome!" and it immediately put me in a good mood to start off my lovely sunny Friday. A minute or two later, the Chinese one arrived. It said:
Today will be an unfavorable day for you. When faced with situations that require action, remain a spectator as much as possible. It's in your best interest to not get caught up in the action. Your lethargic and possibly depressed mental state may cause you to react inappropriately.I was like, "Aw crap, I suck! This day is gonna blow chunks!"
Then I caught myself and was like, "Heeeeeyyyyy... a minute ago I was on top of the world. Granted, this was only due to a silly little gimmicky email thing, but now, due to an equally silly email thing, I feel lower than a wad of chewing gum stuck to the bottom of the shoe of a hobo whose shoes were stolen by another hobo (a clear violation of the hobo code) who upon noticing the gum, used a sharp stick to scrape it into a dumpster, whereupon it landed inside a container of spoiled cottage cheese.
So I said to myself, I said "AH!"
Because I had realized something.
I had realized that in my early morning checkin'-my-email-fog, I was still half asleep which is probably a highly suggestible state. So the suggestion-power of the little horoscope emails was magnified and clearly having too great an effect. Look at me! I'm king of the universe! No, I'm rancid shit in a dumpster!
I am neither. (And BOTH!) (No... I prefer neither.)
But seeing how correct my wise friend was when he pointed out how powerful the power of suggestion is, I now suggest making my own suggestions to myself to tap into their especially powerful power. New-agey people call these "daily affirmations" and I can't help but mock the crap out of them, even as I attempt to embrace them. This ain't gonna be easy. OH! And there I go, already undermining my ability to embrace them by suggesting that this ain't gonna be easy! Well, clearly, I'm right! I mean, look how bad I am at this whole affirmation thing! Aargh! There I go doing it again!
Okay, so clearly, the first affirmation for me needs to be: "I acknowledge the fact that affirmations aren't total bullshit, because the power of suggestion is very fuckin' powerful."
Second affirmation: "I'm fine, thanks."